you wanted me, but different

a poem by nain f. ladak

sleep arrives with the sun
words come misplaced
pain comes before
 
peace arrives with 
The Silence of the Night
words scatter on the pages, worn from the fight

pain i inflict
is easier
  
there is a word for what i am
i fear it
fear i identify with it

they don’t want me here
a nuisance

forget her
and yet, obsession ensues
once i slip away  
 
when they least expect it
I’m gone
was i plotting all along?
not even i am certain 
 
too quick to run
can never keep quiet
they come back around
 
there’s no use
once my fear has passed
i become a rock,
 
          you become a gravestone
         i visit sometimes, when its 
 drizzling and no one else is around.
 
I leave flowers, i spit on your soil and I lay where you do.
just 
      to be certain. 
 
you wanted me, but different
 
I live anyways